


A Reputation

by Feneris



Category: Gravity Falls, Transcendence AU - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Transcendence, Beating a Demon with a Mop, Biker Gangs, Gen, Mops, Reputations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-09 22:34:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6926362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feneris/pseuds/Feneris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are few beings in the universe who are able to beat Alcor the Dreambender. Even fewer who were publicly witnessed beating Alcor the Dreambender with a mop outside of a library. And even if you look and act like a timid librarian, having one of the meanest bikers in Oregon spreading the story tends to give it some credibility.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Reputation

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, not my best work. But I since I finished it, I figured I'd post it for people to read. Hope you at least get some enjoyment out of it.

It had been a bad week for Henry. Mabel had nearly burned down the Shack trying to cook with Mabel juice. One of Stan's cons had backfired, resulting in them getting raided by the cops. The Triplets had blown up one of the outbuildings at their elementary school. (To be fair, it was mostly an accident.) And now he was mopping blood off the floor of the living room, where it had bled down from the walls. 

He had been scrubbing at it for two hours now. There was still bloody streaks on the walls and floor, but Henry was confident he had gotten most of the blood mopped up. He was probably never going to get the mop looking anything close to white again, and he had a whole bucket full of bloody water to dispose of, but he was nearly done. 

Henry reached down, grabbed the bucket, and watched the streaks of blood on the wall suddenly disappear. He glanced down at the bucket. The formerly bloody water was perfectly clear. The mop was once again back to its original pristine white. No signs of blood anywhere.

 _"Illusion?"_ Henry hissed. "I spent two hours cleaning up an _illusion!?_ "

It had already been a bad week. A fire, a police raid, and a near suspension for his children had pushed Henry to the edge. Something in him snapped.

"DIPPER PINES! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

\---

"All right, lets keep this simple," Skull-Cracker Susan said to her partner. "We go in, stick the gun in his face, and tell him if he doesn't give us the book, we'll blow his brains out. Long as he cooperates, no one has to get hurt."

"Got it," her partner nodded. "He should just cave immediately right?"

"It's only him in there, and he's got a family to live for," Susan nodded. "Not going to be worth it to die over a book." 

"Right lets..."

A terrible scream echoed from inside the shack.

"Henry I'm sorry! Don't kill me!" A man in a black tailcoat staggered backwards out the door under a rain of blows from a white mop. There was a pair of wings protruding from his lower back, and his hands looked clawed.

"I'll kill you twice!" Henry screamed as he continued to rain down blows with the mop. "It took me two hours to clean up all that blood!"

Susan and her partner watched numbly as Henry chased Dipper around the shack, screaming and swinging at him with the mop. 

"That was Alcor the Dreambender," Susan's partner pointed out. "I don't want to die over a book."

\---

Timothy Corduroy had always thought he was good at judging bars, and for the most part he was usually correct in that assumption. But, even he could admit he occasionally screwed up and found himself in a place that catered to a different crowd than him. 

This, was one of those times. The place had looked promising initially. It was clean, but not too fancy, license plates on the walls and a battered jukebox in the corner. It had seemed the perfect place for him to stop by and have a beer. 

Then the lesbian-feminist biker gang had showed up. Tim had nothing against lesbians or feminists, but by God did those women look mean. Enough spikes and leather to film a Mad Max movie, complete with disturbing bulges that suggested a lot of concealed weapons. There was one women sitting next to him at the bar that had a pair of stilettos. (The heels were eleven inches and the blades were at least twelve.) The only woman in the whole group who didn't look like they would fold him like a deckchair if he looked at them wrong, was a short lady at the bar with sequins and rainbows decorating her leather jacket.

Tim knew well enough that it was often those folks who could hit the hardest if provoked, and even if she couldn't it was likely her girlfriends would give him the pounding instead. Though, judging from the number of whiskey shots she had put back, Tim was willing to be she was one of the former. 

His plan, such as it was, was to finish his beer and get the hell out of there before the bikers got too drunk. He was about halfway through his glass, when the doors to the bar suddenly opened.

"Mabel?" 

The entire bar went silent. Tim casually cranked his head around to catch whomever had just come in out of the corner of his eye. It took him nearly two whole minutes to finally recognize his cousin Henry. To be fair, Tim hadn't seen his cousin in decades, and the only thing he really know about Henry was that he had been kinda a sissy when they were kids. 

"Over here Henry!" the small women with the sequins and rainbows called out from her place at the bar, waving her hands excitedly.

The crowd of bikers parted like the Red Sea before Henry as he made his way over to the bar. 

"You crashed you motorcycle again haven't you?" he asked dryly. 

"It was only a small crash," Mabel protested. "No flames even. Susan here helped pull me out of the ditch, but they couldn't get the bike to work. So I called you!" 

Henry let out a sigh or mixed exasperation and fondness. "Thank you for your help Susan," he said, turning to a large woman with a scar across her forehead and a tattoo that said "Ballbuster" across her arm.

"Yeah, no problem," she said. She looked like she would rather be anywhere but there, talking to Henry. 

The crowd parted again as Henry led Mabel to the door. Mabel paused only long enough to give a cheery wave to the entire bar, before closing the door behind her.

You could practically hear the breath of relief coming from everyone in the room.

"Who was that?" Tim asked. There was no way that could have actually been his cousin Henry. 

"Henry Pines," the barkeeper answered. "That's one guy you don't want to mess around with. Susan here once saw him drive Alcor the Dreambender himself out of his home with a mop. A mop!"

"Wha..." He had heard that Henry had married someone named Pines, but there was no way sissy Henry could have...

"It's true," Susan added. "Saw it with my own eyes. Alcor was begging for his life." 

"Bad things happen to people who mess with that family," the barkeeper continued. "We make sure him and his wife get their drinks free when they come here. Just a way of saying thank you."

"Thank you for what?" 

"For not killing us all."

\---

It had been a long day for Hank. He had been called out in the morning to mediate a dispute between a commune of dryads, a logging company, three separate environmental protest groups, and a clan of beavers. It was now the middle of the night and he was just driving home.

He caught sight of the bar just as a large wave of tiredness hit him. Some greasy bar fries and some cheap coffee would at least give him enough energy to get home. 

He had barely set a foot in the bar before the whispers started.

_"Holy crap, that's Hank Pines!"_

_"Hank Pines from Portland?"_

_"Don Pines, shit! Hide the cash!"_

_"What's he doing here!?_

Hank let out a long sigh as he sat down at the bar. That was the price of infamy it seemed, no matter how crazy and unmerited it was. At the very least the barkeeper looked utterly unintimidated by him.

"You look familiar," she stated, before Hank had a chance to place his order. "You wouldn't happen to be related to Henry Pines would you?"

Hank blinked in surprise. "Uuh... Yes. He's my dad."

The entire bar went silent.


End file.
